I realize I have not be great about posting regularly on here. Many times I start and get interrupted. When I come back I have another story to tell. And then my perfectionism sets in, so I edit or think too much about it and never get “publish” hit. I want to change that! I want to start posting something every week. Please bear with me if it isn’t perfectly wrote. In any case, I am thankful you have stopped by for a cup of tea or a buffet. Please keep coming back. The menu will be changing. And please feel free to share with others who may benefit from the food of my table.

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I am a wife, mother, and grandmother. I have a wide array hurts in my life. I don’t want to pretend mine is worse than yours. I only know what I have experienced and how I managed through it. While each circumstance has its own specifics to overcome, I think the suicide of our youngest child has been the hardest. It is what brought me back around to writing.

One of the first issues I want to address and say upfront is that I am truly sorry for anyone who is walking the battle of surviving suicide and has been terribly mistreated by people and especially those of the “Christian” community! I am forever thankful for the experience my family had and continues to have from so many people around us, including our church family and friends. That being said, I too have experienced atrocities. Plus, I have heard numerous accounts from friends and others of cruelty toward so many survivors it infuriates me nearly beyond words. This needs to stop!

Suffering the loss of a loved one from suicide is some of the most difficult grief to process. Not only does a person have the normal grief, there can be so many additional questions. They can range from “Why would he/she?”, “What if I/we had/hadn’t _____,?” “If he/she would have told/called me”, “Did/didn’t they know how much they were loved/cared for?”, “How could they have done this?” “Was this their time to die?” Plus, when you add in the questions regarding heaven, hell and self-harm/murder, and the tremendous stigma associated with it because of under/misinformed people, it can almost be unbearable.

As I share my journey through some of the toughest valleys I will be writing as real and transparent as I can be. Depression and mental illness are often referred to as darkness. I desire to provide salve to wounds, hope, and maybe some answers to those on a similar journey, or to those who know someone struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts. I will also be sharing some “sunshine” moments along the way.

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As long as my life on earth extends, I am a forever student and He is forever my teacher.

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I am not a professional psychologist. If you or someone you know needs immediate help call your local crisis number or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at: 1-877-273-TALK (8255).

 

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